Saturday, 13 December 2008

Girls outing...(J)

So. I finished work at midday...after a long, long week. And instead of going home and doing nothing special I picked up okaasan and took her into town on the streetcar for lunch in a department store and then a wander round the shops.
Not my kind of Saturday at all really. I hate shopping. I hate walking aimlessly round shops. But there we are. It was a warm, easy-to-walk couple of hours out for her. It's hard for me to judge though how much she can/wants to do - I hope she enjoyed it!

Later this evening he cooked oden and okaasan came in to us f0r dinner. She stayed an hour or more, and then when we started watching the ice skating on Tv she made moves to go back home.
And so our life unfolds after week one. Stressful...some funny moments, but basically ok because okaasan is happy. But renting 2 small houses seems a waste of rent for the living conditions, and he's already put out feelers to a real estate agent to start the search for somewhere else: a house or larger apartment where the 3 of us can be under one roof and we don't have to balance dinner plates on a tiny kitchen counter. Maybe nearer his winter work as a ski instructor too so he can get home in the evenings more.

I was just going to mention here some comments that I've had from a few students this week: because they seem strange to me. "Why don't you get married? After all, you are the girlfriend and you are looking after his mother?" me that's a odd comment because it suggests that I'd act differently if I was married to him...when I choose to help with his mum because I love him and we are a team in life. Having a piece of paper from the city office and party in a hotel doesn't seem to make much difference. I guess ultimately I do have the power to walk away from this situation completly - I could just pack my suitacase and walk out, but people who are married walk out too - so the difference seems small. If he died suddenly, would I continue looking after okaasan as the girlfriend? Hmm...not sure. I hope the other son would step up to do more at the very least, but if I'd already been looking after her for a few years and knew her ways then it would be easier to continue maybe.

Let's hope he doesn't die though! I don't want to face THAT situation!







今週何人かの生徒から言われた意見についてここで触れるわね。ワタシにはヘンに思えることだから。“結婚したらどう? だって、あなた、ガールフレンドで、あなたが彼のお母さんの面倒を見てるんでしょう?”っていう意外な意見なの。それって、彼と結婚してたらワタシが違う行動をとっただろうっていうみたい・・・彼のお母さんをたすける選択をしたときにね。それはワタシが彼を愛していて、ワタシたちは人生におけるチームだからなのに。市役所から紙をもらってきてホテルでパーティをしたからって大して変わるとは思えないわ。最終的にワタシは完全にこの状況から歩み去る力を持っていると思うの。ワタシはスーツケースを荷造りして去ることができたわ。でも結婚している人たちだって立ち去ることができるのよ。それならその違いは小さいって思うの。もし、彼が突然亡くなったら、ワタシはガールフレンドとしてお義母さんの面倒を見続けるかって?うーん、わからないわ。もう一人の息子がせめてもう少ししてくれたらいいと思うわ。でも、それまで何年間かお義母さんの面倒を見てお義母さんのやり方がわかっていたら、たぶん続けるのは簡単かもしれない。


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