Lilac ladies

Lilac time in Sapporo.
Spring is like this in Hokkaido - it all arrives at once, the skunk cabbages, the cherry, the plum, the forsythia, the daffs, the tulips...and now the lilac.


Odori Park in the center of the city has a Lilac Festival. Most years, the bushes don't flower in time for their own festival and I think city office staff are sent out with hairdryers, under cover of darkness, to fan the buds with hot air so at least one or two bushes near the festival site are in blossom.
But this year it's glorious. All lilac scent and blue sky, and the inevitable eating frenzy at the food stall areas which are a necessity at ANY Japanese festival.


So.
We took Okaasan yesterday. Pretty sure she doesn't take herself to walk in the park and look flowers. She walks round the underground shopping streets and department stores. So we took her down to the city center for lunch and a look in Odori Park.


I've said before: it's hard for Okaasan to choose things. Because she can't remember what she saw first. We walked and looked at the different stalls: kebab, paella, fried noodles, chicken, curry, barbecue lamb, oysters etc....and then finally we sort of suggested paella to Okaasan.
We sat her on a bench while we got the food, and then managed to snag a table so the three of us could finally sit and eat. Okaasan likes festivals and festival food - in her childhood this WAS the entertainment, way before TVs and computer games.
But it was cold - the brisk wind became a freezing gale. Finally we looked at some lilac flowers, used the toilets in a big hotel and took a taxi to a nearby subway station, and went home.


Okaasan had a good time though. Little family day out. Animated and chatty, she enjoys looking at flowers, kids, cute dogs etc. Out in the windy cold it was a bit tiring though.
I notice that when she gets tired, she says random, crazy stuff.


Yesterday, after lunch she pointed to the next block of the park (it's 1 km long and various roads cross the park in the city center) - anyway, she pointed to the next block and said: "is that Nakajima Park?"
That's a park in the south of the city, near where we lived when she first came to Sapporo....the whole Lilac Festival, lunch and day out was all in the city center park Odori. :-(


And then later in the taxi, I pointed out a city center flower bed with a lilac tree in it, and she said again: "that's Nakajima Park, isn't it" - which it patently wasn't. It was a 2 meter by 1 meter flower bed...


I think when Okaasan is tired she says these random things, which are vaguely connected to what's happening now - but really more a phrase or question that her brain is supplying for the moment.


* But in positive news: The other day Okaasan did good House Wifeing by doling out drinks to the painters at home. In fact she went out for a walk EARLY in the afternoon and came home before 3 pm, just so she could dole out the drinks. Amazing that. She usually sits vacant in front of the Tv and only stirs when we come home and the noise in the kitchen stirs her to go out.


The painters are almost done, and the final job will be cleaning out the house heating oil tank and pipes. A workman will have to come in and check the pipes in Okaasan's room and the bathroom. I hope I'm home when they come - I think Okaasan will go into a panic of room cleaning if a strange man is going to come into her room.

Talk is good.

Pat myself on the back?
Yes, why not!

Okaasan seems  fine: chatty and laughing and relaxed. Not morose and confused.

And I am sure it is MY chat style with her.

I may have mentioned this before - almost certainly have - that when Yujiro is here at mealtimes he talks...we listen and add comments etc.
When I am here with Okaasan I don't have enough Japanese-ability or energy to go on and on and on chatting. I ask a few questions or make a few comments on her favorite "memory trigger" topics and away she goes....and seems a whole lot better for it.

I write this for anyone else who is handling a dementia sufferer - getting them to chat and tell their favorite stories really appears to make them clearer and connected. Yes, the stories are often repeated. Endlessly, but it's easy when you know what topics to head into.

Last night we sat down to hotpot (easy food after a day of work and errands and shopping) and I mentioned that Yujiro was teaching at Mnt Racy ski area in Yubari.

"Yubari" - quickly Okaasan grabbed the idea and ran with it.

Yubari - coaltown - my husband worked in a coal company in Kyushu - then he went to university - he worked in a coal company after high school - in the office - everyone advised him to go to university - he worked in a coalcompany - but now in Japan coal towns have died because we don't use coal - my husband worked in a coal company before he came to Kawagoe - I was working there before - he didn't know any practical things - he was a university student - my boss came from Kyushu so he gave a Kyushu man a job....and on and on...

She didn't mention my eye at all. She was lost in mental pictures of coal mining and her husband and her old company in Kawagoe.

Sweet.

Okaasan returneth

She's back.
And not so happy.
Which doesn't look good.
But she had a haircut in her old hometown.
Which IS good.

Yujiro finally brought Okaasan home after 6 pm. Her flight arrived at Chitose at 2 pm, but of course she hadn't eaten any lunch so they had to sit and eat lunch at the airport and then come into town by train and finally get home.
She scurried into the kitchen and her room, darting around like a stressy fly.
Not warm friendly, excited, happy at all.
How was the wedding?....... Eh? So so I guess.
Was it good food? French? Japanese? .......Food? Well, French I suppose.

Yujiro said the surface complaint about it all was that Okaasan felt her brother and his wife were not so friendly to her, maybe because they thought our family money gift was too small.
Sounds familiar?!!! (yup! paranoia central first stop again).
That old "these people don't like me, for some reason which I've just concocted in my mind".
This brother is Okaasan's favorite, nice younger brother and his wife. They are actually good people.
But of course - it WAS their son's wedding day. I am guessing they were a bit preoccupied!
And we are sure the Y100,000 money gift was enough. It wasn't that at all. Of course.

But somehow Okaasan has felt slighted.
Maybe it's because the whole thing was a confusing, tiring experience. A big hotel in Tokyo. Crowds of people she didn't know. Distant relatives who maybe SHE didn't recognise. People rushing around. Two nights in a hotel bedroom. Rushing to catch planes and trains. NO time to visit her old house (Yujiro and his brother really cocked up on that one I feel, but maybe it was best).

Anyway. She sat down on the carept to open the suitcase and spread some stuff around.
I took the opportunity to say: "Oh, while you were away, there was some of your laundry still in the machine, I put it all in this drawer for you. Is that ok?" and I opened the drawer and showed her the neatly stacked piles of pants. Maybe there were 40 pairs of clean pants.
"Ahh, thankyou, thankyou. Hmm, so many?"
(Yup...you've maybe never seen them all gathered together in one place like this, but you DO have an awful lot of pants!!).

And I retreated to start dinner preparations.
We ate together as 3 again.
But I could cash in my I Have A Sore Stomach And Can't Sit Down Too Long card...and escape upstairs after 30 mins.
And Yujiro said soon after Okaasan was safely asleep on her sofa.

Mission Accomplished.
I'm guessing more things about this trip to Tokyo will emerge over the next few days.
But for now it's done.

and me? My body?
I spent a quieter day. But I think my "quiet" was maybe too much sitting on the sofa or sitting in the computer chair. My stomach muscles ached in the evening.
Today I am going to lay down more.

And Yujiro - sweet, sweet man that he is - has done battle with the ANA website and has MAYBE got me an airticket to London late October for Y72,000 using airmiles.

Time to lay down.

Okaasan hits a bad patch.

Okaasan seems to be in a bad memory patch.

We don't know why.

Since the "Satoshi died?!!" shock on Friday she seemed ok.
We three ate dinner together on Saturday night and chatted.
Yujiro had ski work agaian Sunday so I cooked lunch and ate it with Okaasan.
She chatted on about Korean food and her Korean friend at elementary school. All very familiar stories.
Then she swerved off the usual course and told me that her elementary school was in Shiki in Saitama. ???? I was confused. Shiki is where Yujiro grew up from elementary age onwards. Okaasan as a child lived in Kawagoe.
Of course I looked puzzled and asked Okaasan"Shiki? Didn't you go to school in Kawagoe?". She looked confused. But stuck to the Shiki version of the story. It was all very mixed up. Strange.

Anyway. It was a happy lunch apart from that.

Then last night. Yujiro came home. 3 of us had dinner.
I  did nice sushi for Okaasan and we risked cheese fondue for ourselves, even though the last time we ate fondue Okaasan had a melt down and accused me of terrible deeds.
All seemed well, although I thought Okaasan was a little blue after coming back from her walk.

I talked about the spring clothes in Mitsukoshi department store. How Hokkaido is cold, but the spring clothes are in the stores.
"Really? I haven't been to a department store" Okaasan said.?????

Then we talked about "tomorrow is Monday, it's hula dance day isn't it?"...and suddenly she said.

"Hula Dance is tomorrow? Hula Dance is the first Monday of every month, is tomorrow the first MOnday of the month?".

It was so strange! She's never ever said this. She is always confused about what day is today. And we remind her about hula dance and Mondays. And make sure she sets off by 12 o'clock with her skirt and T-shirt. But she's never had confusion about how many times a month it is.

This came out of the blue.
We had the same conversation about 5 times. She was convinced and very surprised to hear hula dance class is every week and that SHE goes every week.
"Really? I must be losing my memory to think this mustn't I? Really???" she said.

THAT was hard! How much should we agree with that statement?
Sitting there at the kitchen table Yujiro and I were both muttering reassuring things about "yes a little, but you are so active to do hula dance and go walking"...but it was a shock.
WE came upstairs afterwards and talked about it.

WHY has she gone off into this now?
Is it all a fallout from the "Satoshi died?" experience?
We MUST make sure she is having positive experiences this week!

And I am going NOWHERE NEAR HER ROOM THIS WEEK!!!!!
THE NEWSPAPERS AND MAGAZINES CAN STAY EXACTLY WHERE THEY ARE NOW!!!!!

He died?!!!!

Sorry for a silence. Been too busy living the life to blog about it.

**I worked. And shopped. And took out the trash. And checked Okaasan's hot carpets.

**He stayed home and made shopping lists. Cooked. Injected the cat. Home searched online.

**Okaasan threaded elastic bands into the waist of her hula skirt. Walked. Shopped. Ate.

Yesterday morning Okaasan suddenly came rushing into our hall waving her cell phone. She was confused because someone had called her on it and she doesn't know how to answer the phone. In fact nobody knows the phone number apart from us, we only gave it to her for the GPS function.
The house phone is her actual telephone.

"Ahh, I thought it was Toru-san calling about Satoshi. Maybe he's died"...
"Okaasan, Satoshi HAS died! We told you 3 days ago"
"Satoshi's died? Really? When?"
"3 days ago. We told you"
"Really???!!!"

Isn't that strange? She remembers that her brother was sick in hospital, but not the greater news: he'd then died. This short term memory loss is so strange. Anyway, she wasn't so shocked (yet again), they were a big family and she was older sister...younger brothers were troubles to take care of, not people you cared about...maybe!

I am learning more and more about Okaasan's life from her many stories.
Her mother was born in Sapporo, somewhere near a bridge on a road between Sapporo and Otaru. When she married she moved to Kawagoe in Saitama.
Okaasan's father may have been born in Fukui and moved to Tokyo. But after the Great Kanto Earthquake in 1923 he was evacuated to Kawagoe.

When I first met Yujiro and he came to live in Sapporo with me he was amazed to hear local people saying "azumashkunai!" for "messy/untidy" because it was a word his Mum had used to him and his brother when they were kids. He suddenly realised it was a Hokkaido phrase.

Maybe these Hokkaido roots are why Okaasan is pretty good at walking on snow and ice.

Anyway: other things.
We did say "no" to the house in Minami Hiragishi. And the owners said "no" to reducing the price. We'll wait and see. We still talk about it as "our house". It's the best we've seen so far. But we've looked online at others. Every day there are new properties to see with Street View.

and today?
Okaasan will debut in her hula skirt.
He will watch TV.
I will go skiing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Finally - we think/hope Okaasan willbe able to find her own way to the sports center and the hula dance class. I will get a day off.