Day 3???? Repeat after me.

Saturday night....................:-)

He is posting pictures on Facebook of him and friends in restaurants down Tokyo way...I am here in Sapporo with a bottle of Beaujolais Nouveau...in a plastic bottle!! When did that happen? I thought I'd developed super-human strength when I picked up the bottle and felt the surface move under my fingers. It was a present from a friend and I didn't take it out of the plastic bag till tonight. Wine bottles usually feel they are alive AFTER drinking the contents. Not before.

 

Another day with Okaasan. All well, did LOTS of duty today.

Gave her lunch and sat and chatted. I had a prompt prop on the table ready - a leaflet of old photographs of Sapporo...which I showed her and casually inquired: "didn't your mother live in Sapporo before she married?"

And OFF Okaasan happily went on a 45 mins of how her mother lived near the river bridge,and how HER father was the leader of two village communities, and how he came to visit his daughter when she married and moved south - he came with lots of money...and then that got us into Okaasan's father and the wooden chest transport business pre-war....and on and on and on.

Loads of repeats - endless loops of the same sentences actually - but she was happy.

After 45 mins I made my excuses, cleared my plates and left her to finish her food.

 

In the afternoon I escaped with a friend to a shopping mall and wandered in all the pre-Christmas jollity..I refuse to do any decorations until the first week of December. Grouch grouch.

 

Okaasan was out downtown when I returned. She got back at 7.45 pm. She said she'd been downtown but "didn't meet my friend today"...I was surprised. "Friend"??? She has a friend? She said there is a someone in the coffee shop she often talks to....which is good. Okaasan has nobody, apart from us, to talk to - so I'm glad that somebody out there is chatting to her.

 I cooked salmon and potato for dinner, and we had dinner together. She was chatty - all about salmon and food and Hokkaido and food...and somehow we got into Korean food - her FAVE topic - and that was into the stories about the restaurant she used to eat at near Ikebukuro station in Tokyo. A few rounds of that story.

But strange - I mentioned that there aren't many Korean restaurants in the UK, there are many more in the US. I mentioned New York/Korean restaurants - fully expecting the familiar story -the JTB guide in New York told me that Korean food is the best in the world etc.

And nothing. Zilch. She didn't start that story at all! Has that memory gone? I haven't heard that story for a year or so maybe...and tonight with the prompts of New York/Korean food is the best in the world....nothing came. She just went back to the Ikebukuro Korean food story.

 

So odd that - a well-trod memory and story just vanishes.

 

Anyway. She is fine. I think I can slip away tomorrow and go see a movie or something, leave her to have dinner alone.

Memory and Emotion

Orchid is a new reader to this blog and she posted a comment on the last posting, it was so interesting I thought I'd move part of her comment up here into the main section so it doesn't get missed!
:-)


Here is what she wrote:


First, Okaasan can't remember so many things, yet she remembers if the piles of laundry and garbage in her room are moved/altered. How is it that something so unremarkable can be remembered and she becomes angry? Surely the composition and height of the piles is something even people who don't suffer from dementia would not remember well. Also, she has been angry with you for long spans of time for cleaning her room, but how is it that she remembers what she is angry about for such a long period of time? Why does she remember her paranoid beliefs that you stole a magazine when she can't keep many other memories at hand for a minute?

Is dementia highly selective in this way? Is she storing new memories with an emotional component (those that make her angry or anxious) differently than those which have a neutral component? If so, can that be used to make sure she remembers things of importance which are positive?

I've studied neurobiology a tiny bit, and I know that memories are stored such that both the details and the emotions are locked in together. It is impossible for one to be elicited without the other, and ironically, when a memory is jogged by external stimuli, sometimes the details of the memory are not brought forth but the feeling is. This is why people have anxiety and don't know why in certain situations. The emotion stored with the memory of a similar experience comes out, but the memory itself doesn't make it. I don't know if this relates to dementia, but if your reading has revealed any answers about this selective memory situation, I'd be very curious to know.


My thoughts....


1. I think she remembers what is important to her - and the "you stole my magazine" 2 years ago was a good example of that. Magazines are important to her. She makes special trips to the shops to buy the latest, she sits and looks at them in detail and copies down recipes from them. That time I probably removed a recently bought magazine...now I am much more careful and I take out magazines from the BOTTOM of the piles....!


I don't think she notices the changes in piles of clothes/newspapers/trash around her room - but if she can't find a particular item of clothing WHEN she is looking for it - then maybe the knowledge that we go into her room when she isn't there comes crashing to the fore.


She appears to remember the real angry times for about 5 days - or at least the emotion continues for about 5 days...and then it is gone again.


I reckon she DOES know we go in and remove clothes for washing and take out trash - but she accepts it basically.


2. Positive or Negative emotions, are they stored differently? I don't know! But I think the positive are easier to retrieve if SHE is basically happy in her days.
So every single time we eat okonomiyaki (savory pancake) it brings to life her happy memories of eating it after school as a child. I guess we ALL bury negative memories...


3. I think dementia sufferers do have selective memory - and for carers it can be disconcerting - you are never quite sure if she has remembered or not.
I've even seen her lose the memory of one of her own favorite stories...she is telling it as usual, and then the next piece of information isn't there. The following day - same story and the missing bit reappears! Once or twice I've supplied the forgotten details - but that confuses her because of course there is no reason why I should know HER story (except I've heard it a million times already).


It's all very strange....and interesting...funny...and frustrating....

Okaasan catch up time.

Enough about me...and beaches in hot places.


How is Okaasan doing?

Basically ok.
But the bad tooth is giving her trouble and she is eating a little. Of course not helped by the fact that she took 3 days of medicines in 72 hours. But she is due back at the dentist on Tuesday, so she can get more drugs - and Yujiro can take a firm control of them this time.


Her memory is "as usual". Patchy.


*  She's thanked me for 4 days in a row for the souvenir flowery shawl from Australia - almost everytime she saw me in the kitchen she thanked me for the present.
*  She and I met on the door step Friday night. We found a pumpkin in a bag left by a kind student (Miwako is that from you?), we came into the house together and talked about pumpkins/Halloween/weather and walked into the kitchen together....I took my work stuff upstairs and came straight back into the kitchen..."Good evening!" ????????? She had NO memory of all of that coming-into-the-house-together...and was greeeting me as if she hadn't seen me all day.
However many times I see this dementia short-term memory loss in action I am STILL amazed at this. It is such a strange concept - that she had no memory of that previous 5 minutes.

*  Hula Dance. Yujiro has talked to the NHK Culture School hula teacher and that class only has a performance event one every few years. This sounds much better for Okaasan. The Culture School is in the city center and links directly inside from the subway station. Small class. Friendly teacher. When the latest round of dentist visits is over we'll try and get her interested in going.


*  Okaasan told the dental nurse: "I stopped going to the other hula class because they bullied me!".......our old friend Paranoia. Of course they didn't bully her, but Okaasan's insecurities about being able to learn the new dances transformed into a negative feeling about the group...and now she is convinced that they bullied her. Sad.


*  While she was out yesterday we did a big clean up in her room, hence 30 plus pairs of pants to wash....and various old food packets. Thankfully the pants are pee incontinence only, hasn't been any poo for a few months now....


This weekend is a 3 day holiday weekend in Japan...again. Gorgeous weather. He and I escaped to see amovie on Friday night (Glee cos we are Gleeks), and a lot of shopping, and stuff-that-needs-doing and TV and cats....and Sapporo is gripped with the news that bears have been seen in the city. In the city, near the shrine and near the library! Sadly an acorn shortage is driving the bears in search of food, and Japan always seems to have a shoot-to-kill policy when wild animals enter urban areas - so I think these bears (one cub and mother? two cubs?) will be dead soon.


Today I am going to clear out the shed before winter and go to a kids' concert called The Imagine Music Festival. The old friend who sponsored me for my Permanent Resident visa in Japan invited me. My English classroom is called "Imagine", so it is all very fitting. October 9th is John Lennon's birthday - he would have been 61 years old today...


And finally...shh!!! Look! This is flowering outside the front door! Shhhhhhhh!!!!!!

Quiet day at home

Yujiro skied. Okaasan and I stayed home lazily.

I offered Okaasan lunch twice, but she didn't want it and just made herself some instant soup.
I hung laundry outside for the first time this year and asked her to come and supervise me hanging stuff. Hanging laundry is one of her Happy Activities. hard to do in a Hokkaido winter.

The face swelling has gone done mainly, and now she has a blood bruise near the eye.
She thinks she fell on the steps outside the house.
But she isn't sure. And sometimes she isn't even sure she fell...."something happened to me yesterday didn't it?".

I watched the Adam Sandler/Drew Barrymore comedy "Fifty First Dates", which ironically was all about a woman with a head injury resulting in short term memory loss....some scenes felt so familiar to me!!!...and actually for a Sandler comedy it treated the subject fairly sensitively....

In the movie he makes a video for the women to watch upon waking every day - to bring her up to knowledge on her condition and life. So she can actually remember who he is and what their life is all about.
I think this goes counter to all I've read about short term memory loss - telling the person that they HAVE this problem, making them face that. In the movie Drew Barrymore's character has to experience every day that she had a car crash etc and that this is her man etc....it's shown as a moment of shock and then moving on into happy reconnection with her life.

When Okaasan was so awful last year about me being a thief in her room etc...I DID write out a letter to her telling her You Have Short Term Memory Problems and So I Come Into Your Room to Clean and You Lose Things Constantly Yourself etc　
I knew I would never get it translated and give it to her. I knew she would never read it. But it helped me vent to myself what I wish I could say to her.

And I think in a strange way Okaasan does know she has problems. The constant questions and checking with us about stuff: did I fall? I fell didn't I?, What day is it today?, Hula class is on Wednesdays isn't it? And now she often says: I forget, I've forgotten, I must be losing my memory....

I guess as dementia grows you reconnect the person with who they are and what they are doing every time they wake up and start a day. The morning greetings and the routines.

The weekend ended quietly too.
I did my accounts, cleaned windows with the help of kittens-with-window-jumping-fancies and generally got ready for the week ahead.
Yujiro came home and I cooked dinner. Okaasan suddenly announced at 6.30 pm that she was going out to get something from the shop near the station....I pointed out that dinner was almost ready....we started without her, but she did come home within 40 minutes..and ate most of it and chatted a bit. She's still not 100% lively, but ok.
Today is hula dance. I wonder if she'll want to go?

Onwards.

Operation Buttons

Had a brainwave Friday.
The buttons on my coat are hanging by threads - so I cut one of them off completely and came home into the kitchen complaining about it.
Next morning I took the coat and errant button into Okaasan's room and did the helpless routine, asked her to help...and gave her the coat of hanging buttons to sew.
I thought it would be a good Okaasan project. Sewing seemed to have such a great effect on her before.
Unfortunately she didn't have the right kind of thread to do the job so she said she'd get some "when  I go shopping in Sapporo". She always has this idea that we don't actually live IN Sapporo - although our subway station is 9 minutes from downtown.

Anyway. I hope Operation Button is a success.

She went downtown yesterday, and talked about the sewing shop...but hadn't got the thread or done the buttons by last night. She'd also been on another underwear shopping spree and had asked for money for that...and came home seemingly very tired.
It doesn't matter how long she takes with the coat because I have another I can wear. But I hope the coat emerges from her room reasonably soon!

* The hula dance confusions continue: "Do you know they are holding the class every Monday now? Why did they change it?" she asked Yujiro.

But. It is so strange. On other things she is suddenly so clear. We were talking about a local sushi restaurant that's near our home. Looks like an ordinary house. We plan to go sometime.
"Is that the sushi restaurant on the lower road between here and the station?" Okaasan commented. Pretty clear on THAT then.

This is the strange thing about dementia and memory/mind/awareness. Some things absolutely ok. Some things inexplicably muddled.

Yujiro said that if we talk about something or she sees something on TV, it can spark a shopping trip. Last week we talked at dinner about the plum tree in our old house garden. A few days later Okaasan bought a jar for making plum wine and gave it to him.

I shall talk about chocolate from now on...constantly.

Okaasan hits a bad patch.

Okaasan seems to be in a bad memory patch.

We don't know why.

Since the "Satoshi died?!!" shock on Friday she seemed ok.
We three ate dinner together on Saturday night and chatted.
Yujiro had ski work agaian Sunday so I cooked lunch and ate it with Okaasan.
She chatted on about Korean food and her Korean friend at elementary school. All very familiar stories.
Then she swerved off the usual course and told me that her elementary school was in Shiki in Saitama. ???? I was confused. Shiki is where Yujiro grew up from elementary age onwards. Okaasan as a child lived in Kawagoe.
Of course I looked puzzled and asked Okaasan"Shiki? Didn't you go to school in Kawagoe?". She looked confused. But stuck to the Shiki version of the story. It was all very mixed up. Strange.

Anyway. It was a happy lunch apart from that.

Then last night. Yujiro came home. 3 of us had dinner.
I  did nice sushi for Okaasan and we risked cheese fondue for ourselves, even though the last time we ate fondue Okaasan had a melt down and accused me of terrible deeds.
All seemed well, although I thought Okaasan was a little blue after coming back from her walk.

I talked about the spring clothes in Mitsukoshi department store. How Hokkaido is cold, but the spring clothes are in the stores.
"Really? I haven't been to a department store" Okaasan said.?????

Then we talked about "tomorrow is Monday, it's hula dance day isn't it?"...and suddenly she said.

"Hula Dance is tomorrow? Hula Dance is the first Monday of every month, is tomorrow the first MOnday of the month?".

It was so strange! She's never ever said this. She is always confused about what day is today. And we remind her about hula dance and Mondays. And make sure she sets off by 12 o'clock with her skirt and T-shirt. But she's never had confusion about how many times a month it is.

This came out of the blue.
We had the same conversation about 5 times. She was convinced and very surprised to hear hula dance class is every week and that SHE goes every week.
"Really? I must be losing my memory to think this mustn't I? Really???" she said.

THAT was hard! How much should we agree with that statement?
Sitting there at the kitchen table Yujiro and I were both muttering reassuring things about "yes a little, but you are so active to do hula dance and go walking"...but it was a shock.
WE came upstairs afterwards and talked about it.

WHY has she gone off into this now?
Is it all a fallout from the "Satoshi died?" experience?
We MUST make sure she is having positive experiences this week!

And I am going NOWHERE NEAR HER ROOM THIS WEEK!!!!!
THE NEWSPAPERS AND MAGAZINES CAN STAY EXACTLY WHERE THEY ARE NOW!!!!!

Onwards to....50!

Had a great Birthday - thankyou to everyone who sent me "ganbare" e mails, gave me presents...smiled at me!

Thanks to Shuichi Maeda who painted these pix of me based on photos - his mother brought them to class yesterday. Thanks to everyone who bought great cat toys, flowers, games, alcohol, bath stuff...I was surprised again and again.
It was a good birthday - not skiing at Furano as usual, but a stay-in-Sapporo and enjoy day.
Finished work at 5 pm and we went downtown: bought the Adam Lambert CD, dinner at a little Chinese place I like (actually it was our first date spot), then the noise and laughs of the International CM Festival (where I got a free bottle of birthday wine from the organizer!) and finally a drink at the Irish bar Brian's Brew.
Twas good.

Yujiro had spent the day at home with Okaasan and taken her out to lunch at a ramen place.
She of course had no idea it was my birthday. No big deal.

But she did get a phone call from one of her brothers in Saitama. When he mentioned about the brother who died last year poor Okaasan was VERY shocked: "Satoshi? He died? When? You didn't tell me! When? How?".
Of course she DID know...was that last February? I remember all of that in the old house, but that information didn't stay in her memory at all. She didn't go to the hospital or funeral, it was just conversations. So It didn't stick.
Mind you, she didn't seem too bothered last year about it - I don't think Satoshi was a favorite brother - so the shock wasn't too great. But it must be worrying for her to hear Yujiro calmly say to his uncle: "It's ok, I did tell her of course, but she's forgotten"...I think she knows and accepts now that she forgets stuff, but the realization that she has forgotten  such an important piece of family news must be depressing.

After that they called in at Carrot, a wholesale shop we sometimes get things from, where Okaasan stunned Yujiro by buying a KILOGRAM of anko sweet bean paste! A KILOGRAM! It's the kind of pack a cake shop or restaurant would buy to make Japanese desserts with! Okaasan seemed to think she would actually eat this amount.

And so. My birthday. Okaasan's confusions and shoppong. Yujiro doing Family Service with the girlfriend and the mother.

And Chichi and Popo have learned how to climb up a bedspread and onto a door frame.
Everest Here We Come!

Okaasan injured.

I came home tonight, by taxi to make sure I got home quick enough for the 6.45 pm family dinner time.
But Okaasan was not here.
She said she'd fallen over today on the ice and had hurt her knee a little, and so didn't want to eat anything. (This is her cure all for everything: don't eat!).

We quickly ate our dinner and then I went in to check on her.
She was sitting in her pyjamas watching Tv with a cold compress on a badly swollen right knee. She said she slipped on the ice and fell, but after that she continued walking downtown (about 1 km) and all round the shops. Then she felt it was painful, so she came home by street car!

This is one tough old lady.

Anyway. We'll see. her son did terrible ligament damage to the right knee and continued ski instructing for a few hours, so we will have to see what its like tomorrow.

I hate to say it. But this could be the small injury we hoped for which will get her into a hospital...and from THAT we might get her some medical attention for her memory etc...

Home hunting

We went home hunting on Saturday afternoon.

It was also a date/couple time for us, and an escape out of the house for him. It's so hard for someone on crutches to go anywhere in a city with icy streets.
After I finished work I picked him up. We had lunch in a small noodle place, and then armed with estate agents stuff and maps we drove around neighborhoods we think might be good, or places that have empty apartments/houses.
Didn't really find anything. Most of the houses were squashed between too many other buildings with no natural light, or too old, too far from transport, no garden...the apartments were better...but no garden.
But we got a better idea of neighborhoods and what area would work. One area we'd thought would be good proved to be all hilly and icy. A nightmare for Okaasan.

Anyway. We came home with a better idea of the topic and availability. No huge rush. Where we are is doable. We are coping...and into spring will be better. I kind of wonder whether pooling our monies together and buying a house might not be better...a home for her and us now, and a home for us into OUR old age...he's 50 now and I'll be...oh God..48 soon!

Okaasan came in for dinner. She'd been shopping at the department store that is closing down. Bought a huge bag of oranges. She walks into town from here! It must take her 45 minutes or more. Not bad for 78. With all the ice. She has got into life here very well really, many people would just sit around at home and watch TV. She gets out most days and walks and shops.

Sunday I helped a friend move furniture in the morning and picked up the double matress we bought off him: well "picked up" doesn't adequately describe it of course. It's a DOUBLE mattress, he lived on the SIXTH floor, with a SMALL elevator...another friend, his wife and I ..we all did a LOT of grunting and groaning to move the thing.

After that I escaped skiing with a friend, into the sunshine and snow. It rejuvenated me for the working week ahead, which is going to be busy. I also called England to get updates on that situation: which is slightly better (maybe) because they are now home again.

After skiing I dumped my friend on her doorstep and drove away to grab some takeout sushi and drive home at speed to try and get it on the table by 7 pm. Yujiro cooked the soup and we had family dinner. Okaasan forgets which sushi she has eaten of course...we have to constantly remind her and encourage her to eat what we know she likes.

This memory thing is so strange. It is funny, and makes funny stories. But it IS so strange and sad. Life must feel confusing when what you did a few minutes ago is blurry. We kind of wish she'd have a small accident or illness so that she was in hospital, and then doctors could take her in hand and tackle the problem somehow.

Anyway. Monday morning here. Another week to start. I have 7 classes today. And I have to take him to the hospital before it all starts. Lots of life...

Moving to a family house?

Last night after we'd gone to bed, we lay there talking about moving to a bigger house and all living behind the same front door.

Funny how it's easier to talk in the dark....

He has looked at some estate agent websites...I went into a local agents office the other day...we are both thinking about it.

Now in Japan there are more and more empty houses, because as the population ages people are moving into care homes/hospitals/smaller apartments and the larger multi-room houses are standing empty. Last year I walked round a posh part of our city on a hike and was amazed to see about 15 empty houses with the weeds growing and the windows boarded up.

So we talked. How to live behind the same front door and still keep our privacy. How the kitchen cooker would need to be electricity to be safer for okaasan...whether to try and include my English school in the same building. And of course: where.

For me I think I want: bigger kitchen, dining area and clearly defined seperate living spaces. And then: garden.
For okaasan: easy access to local shops and downtown shops via subway, bus or streetcar. No stairs, easy-use bathroom and warm.
For him: privacy, price.

We also talked about his work. CAN he continue as a ski instructor? What summer work would allow him to be home in the evenings?

Many things to think about.

The old student I had lunch with yesterday used to work in hospitals and after hearing my okaasan tales she urged me to get okaasan along to a hospital for CT scans to determine the extent of her memory problems. She says there are drugs now that can control or even limit the memory loss. But...doing all of that is a whole other job for us...basically for him..and just the day to day life is pretty time/energy consuming at the moment.

Onwards, onwards.

Okaasan seemed a bit down last night when she came in for dinner. Not her usual laughing self. We chatted along and got her a bit brighter, but she seemed sad. I've suggested that tomorrow or the next day we go to a hot spring place for a day trip, lunch and hot baths. Now the holiday rush is over they will be quieter.
Time to get naked with okaasan!

Family service

There's a phrase in Japanese which means "To do family service", and men use it when they say they have to spend time with the family away from the more important things like work or drinking with colleagues.
I always thought it was a strange way of looking at one's family life - as something that "had" to be done.
Now I kind of understand it.

Yesterday we spent a couple of hours at a suburban shopping mall with okaasan, walking around shops, eating lunch and buying a few things along with a few thousand other local families.
As I've said before, shopping malls aren't our usual scene at all, so it's a strange feeling to be ambling around looking at stuff while the musak plays and toddlers stagger around attached to shopping carts. But we had a dinner plans with friends Sunday night and he is about to go away for 4 days ski teaching and we thought we should do some family time.

Okaasan loved it. She slowly looks at all sorts of stuff. Things she would never buy like sparkly nail ornaments or T-shirts with rock stars on them. Just enjoying the looking. Now I can understsnd how she spent 7 hours plus downtown the other day:she drifts around looking at stuff and people!
He managed to stop her buying noodles to cook by reminding her that she doesn't have cooking facilities and hasn't cooked for about 2 years, but she bought a few chocolate things and seaweed soup.
At lunchtime we looked at different restaurants and were a bit put out when she chose the buffet. As we were gearing up for a big pre-Xmas dinner with friends we didn't want to eat buffet of course, but okaasan was impressed with the choice so in we went and managed to do our best...SOMEONE had to make a dent in the chocolate fountain, so I tried hard.
Okaasan tucked into all sorts of food happily. She certainly has a healthy appetite. She ate rice and grated yam and various Chinese foods. Then salad.
"Hmm, they don't have rice here do they?"
"Err...you just ate a bowl of rice"
"Did I? Really? Is there rice?" She ate another bowl.

I'd like to try the same memory loss excuse with chocolate. "Did I eat 10 chocolates already? Really?"

Anyway. A successful family outing. We came home early afternoon and retired to our seperate Tvs. In the evening we ordered sushi to take to the party, and gave okaasan a smaller box of sushi for her dinner.

Now it's Monday morning. He's just left for 4 days ski teaching work.
Okaasan and me. We are Home Alone with eachother from now on.....