Saturday, 28 March 2009

Night cats...and mares. (J)

Thursday afternoon I walked Okaasan to the subway station and the shopping area and we wandered around the supermarket together - I yet again learned that a good housewife does not just choose ANY old cabbage...cut ones are bad, small ones are bad, anything with a mark on it is bad, one's with the wrong kind of green leaves are bad...

Also had a slightly bizarre exchange near the lunchbox section: "
Oh, this looks good, shall we buy it to eat when we move house?"...."Err, we moved house already...yesterday!"..."Did we? Oh yes!".

As that book on dementia explained: Carers may feel that they are in a different world with their family member.

Talking of a different world. And this is where the blog is gonna get weird.
I picked up Bob cat from the vets later in the afternoon and then we had the fun of him exploring our rooms upstairs, sniffing and staring at it all. Finally he settled down by the heater on his old blanket. He's an old, sick cat and he's moved so many times he seems to be satisfied as long as there are familiar smells around.

Nighttime was a different matter. He paced. And yowled and paced and yowled. I was up and down all night with him. Sometime just before dawn I had a terrible dream. A nightmare! Get this:

I dreamt that we were at the bottom of the stairs outside the kitchen door and we heard a young women laughing. We opened the door and saw Okaasan standing there by the utility room door, looking asleep or dead - and growing out of her neck was another head! It looked like a Japanese mask or doll - white skin, black slit eye sockets, old fashioned "China Doll" hair. Yujiro and I rushed to try and tear it OFF Okaasan and I remember putting my fingers between their heads and pulling hard to separate them!

Isn't that a horrible dream! I have no idea what it means. Apart from the obvious that I am very tired and stressed.

I believe/know I have a little ESP (and my mother had it more). But I don't feel anything particularly in this house. Certainly not a bad feeling. But I do believe that sometimes when people move into a long-time empty building their presence can activate the past. When I was a child my mum and step-dad had a similar experience.I kind of sensed a movement in the first floor Japanese room yesterday too.

The laughter in my dream wasn't malicious. More joking. But I also knew we had to separate the girl's head from Okaasan's body.

One student today said maybe I should get a priest to come and do an exorcism in the house.

I don't think that is necessary. But I think the girl needs to know that it isn't Okaasan's "time" yet and that we can all share this space.

I told you this was gonna be a weird blog!




さらに、お弁当売り場の近くで、ちょっと思いがけないやりとりがあったの。“これいいんじゃない? 引越しのときこれを買って食べましょうか?” “えーっと、もう引越しは済みましたよ・・・昨日!“ “終わったですって? ああ、そうだったわね!”





夜は違ったの。ボブは行ったり来たり。悲しげな声で鳴いては行ったり来たり、また、悲しげに鳴く。ワタシは彼についてあっちこち。ちょうど夜明け前、ワタシは怖い夢を見たの。悪夢よ! こんな:

ワタシたちは階段下の一階の台所のドアの外にいて、若い女性が笑うのを聞いたの。ワタシたちがドアを開けると、洗面所のドアのそばにお義母さんが立っているのが見えたの。眠っているか死んでいるかのようだったわ。そして伸びた首にはもう一つ顔がついてた! それは日本のお面か人形のように見えたわ・・・白い肌、黒い切れ長の眼のくぼみ、古めかしい中国の人形の髪型。ユウとワタシは急いでそれをお義母さんから引き離そうとしたの。覚えてるわ。ワタシの指がその頭にあってそれを引き離すのがたいへんだったこと。

なんて気持ち悪い夢でしょう! 何を暗示しているのかわからないわ。ワタシがかなり疲れていてストレスを感じている、という事実のほかにはね。

ワタシは自分に少し霊感があるのを信じてるし知っているの。(もっと母のほうが持っていたわ)でも、この家に特別な何かを感じてはいないの。悪い感じは全くないわ。でもワタシは信じているの 人が長いこと空いていた建物に引っ越すと、彼らの存在が過去を動かすことがある、って信じているの。ワタシが幼いとき、母と義父が似たような体験をしているわ。ワタシは昨日も一階の和室で動きを感じた気がするのよ。





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