Wednesday, 8 April 2009

Beginning to settle down.(J)

Sorry - I haven't blogged.
The weather has been great and as I've had a half teaching schedule I've been spending a lot of time outside - STARTING THE GARDEN! Yeah!!!

Gardening is so, so cathartic. It relaxes me more than I ever realized. Even with Okaasan coming to help/ is relaxing. (But I have learned that if I stay away from just outside the living room windows when she is home she won't come out and join me!).

Maybe it is the gardening. Or maybe it is just that finally the moving stress is beginning to recede. But I feel more relaxed and I feel that there IS some happy future in this situation for all of us. Finally. Since Okaasan came in December it's been mainly day after day of stress. Now I feel life opening up in front of me...and him.

So, a quick round up:

  1. He and I started morning walking again, exploring our new neighborhood.
  2. Okaasan and I spent a morning in the sunshine tackling 3 years of bamboo grass growth. People using the street and the old lady opposite stopped by to comment on our good work. Okaasan enjoyed the gardening, although I did have to watch that she kept on task and didn't stuff dead bamboo grass in the plastics trash bag. She only started that childish whining once - when I wouldn't prune a bushy thing as she wanted it. I walked away and a few minutes later talked about something else, and she appeared to have passed on and over the stressy situation. The garden looks huge! I am so happy. It's going to be a big challenge, but I come from a family of gardeners. It's gonna be fun. I don't think Okaasan actually knows much about plants and gardening...but she likes flowers.
Bobcat makes his garden debut.

3. Okaasan came home from a shopping outting at 7.30 pm. We'd started cooking dinner after deciding that we'd go ahead and eat without her. She walked in just as Yujiro was serving up 2 bowls of noodles. So, being the good son that he is ...he gave Okaasan HIS dinner, and started cooking another portion of noodles for himself. "Eh, Yujiro isn't eating anything?"she asked..."Yes, YOU are eating his...!" I remarked nastily....She really has NO concept of time. It annoys me like mad.

4. Yujiro escorted Okaasan to hula dancing as the class resumed today. We wanted to be sure she knew how to get there. She told him they were going to walk the 3 km to the sports center, so they left early. He came back later and commented that she didn't really seem so sure of the route.

Around 4 pm I had just finished "stealing" some of my plants from my old house garden (helped by my wonderful neighbors) and I decided to wait on the road near the sports center and spy on Okaasan from the safety of the car to see how she went home from Hula dancing....first she walked with classmates to half a kilometer to Nakanoshima. But then I guess the classmates went into their apartments and she cheerfully set off in the WRONG direction! She did stop and ask some women the way, but as it was starting to rain I finally broke cover and spun her a white lie about happening to see her as I was returning with a carload of plants...and scooped her up and took her home.

One night recently she came home from "shopping" and she looked so cold and tired I am sure she was walking lost for ages. It's sad, but there isn't much we can do...wants to go out, she enjoys walking. But I fear she often walks in circles.

5. I discussed with Yujiro that we should try and get Okaasan to look after herself for her mid-morning meal. He agreed. But then cooked for her twice. I kind of feel he has brought this dependency on himself by cooking almost every day for her since she came here in December. He is starting to job hunt now. When he and I are both working she'll have to fend for herself and I think we should be getting her in training!

6. We are eating all the stuff she buys. She goes out every day and comes back with stuff...apples, yogurt, rice balls, snacks...but she soon forgets when it is in in the fridge. So we eat it.
Nothing has been done about the lilly bulbs yet! They are lurking in the fridge,

7. Okaasan
is still falling asleep in front of the TV on the living room carpet. She wakes up a lot at night I think, but she forgets to heat her it isn't an attractive place to sleep. We don't know quite what to do.

8. He and I have had a few words about how much of our habits and life need to be extended to include Okaasan. He chatted to her about cheese fondue, she looked unconvinced (naturally, because she doesn't really like cheese...even though she eats pizza!). I felt sad because I have happy memories of US eating fondue. I don't want to share the experience! Then we talked about a local curry restaurant we want to try..."
she'll like that, she likes curry" he said..."well, she doesn't need to come, WE can go and eat curry, she doesn't need to come with us all the time! I wailed....

9. The ghost/spirit/whatever hasn't made any more appearences. Maybe we've scared her away!




気候もよくなってきて、仕事量も半分だったので、長い時間外で過ごしていたの・・・庭仕事のはじまりはじまり! イエーイ!!!




  1. 彼とワタシは朝のウォーキングを再開し、新しいご近所を探索しているの。
  2. お義母さんとワタシは朝日の中、3年かけて育った笹と格闘して過ごしたわ。この道をいつも通る人々やお向かいの老婦人が立ち止まり、ワタシたちの成し遂げた仕事にコメントしたのよ。お義母さんはガーデニングを楽しんでいたわ。お義母さんが仕事を続けて、枯れた笹をプラスティックのゴミ箱に入れないようにワタシが見なければならなかったとしてもね。ワタシがお義母さんの望みどおりに茂みを刈り込まなかったとき、お義母さんは一度子供っぽく愚痴を言い始めたの。ワタシは立ち去り、数分後、何か違うことについて話したの。それでお義母さんはストレスの状況をやり過ごし逃れたみたいだったわ。庭が大きく見えるわ。ワタシはとてもうれしいの。これは大きな挑戦になりそうだわ。でも、ワタシはガーデナー一家の出よ。たのしくなるわ。ワタシはお義母さんが植物やガーデニングに精通しているとは思わないわ・・・でもお義母さんはお花が好きなのよ。


  1. お義母さんが買い物のお出かけから7時30分に帰宅したわ。ワタシたちはお義母さん抜きで食べようと決めて、夕食を作り始めていたの。ユウがちょうど二人分の麺をよそい終わったときに、お義母さんは入ってきたわ。それで、彼のようにできた息子がすることは・・・ユウはお義母さんに自分の分をあげ、そして、彼自身のためにもうひとつ作り始めたの。「あら、ユウは食べていないじゃないの?」お義母さんは聞いたわ。「ええ、お義母さんが彼の分を召しあがって・・・」ワタシは不愉快な気持ちで一言いったの。本当にお義母さんは時間の観念がないのよ。それはめちゃくちゃにワタシを困らせているのよ。

  1. ユウはお義母さんをきょう再開のフラダンスに付き添って行ったわワタシたちはお義母さんがそこへの行き方をわかっていると確信したかったの。お義母さんは彼にスポーツセンターまでは3キロ歩くと言ったので、二人は早めに出かけたわ。彼はあとで帰ってきて、母は道をよく覚えてはいなかったようだ、って言っていたわ。




  1. ワタシはユウと、お義母さんが自分で午前中の食事の支度をするように仕向けるべきことについて話し合ったの。彼は賛成したわ。でも、それから2回お義母さんに作ってあげたのよ。12月にお義母さんがここにきてからほとんど毎日作ってあげたことがこんな依存関係を彼自身にもたらしたって感じてもいるのよ。彼は今、職を探し始めているわ。彼とワタシがどちらも働くとき、お義母さんは自分でどうにかしなければならなくなるし、ワタシはお義母さんを訓練しなきゃって思うのよね。

  1. ワタシたちはお義母さんが買うものすべてを食べているの。お義母さんは毎日出かけ、りんごやヨーグルト、おむすび、お菓子なんかを買って帰るの・・・でも冷蔵庫の中にあるのにすぐ忘れちゃうのよ。それでワタシたちが食べるの。ユリ根はまだだけど!冷蔵庫の中に身を潜めているわ。

  1. お義母さんは居間のカーペットの上のテレビの前でぐっすり眠っているわ。お義母さんは夜に何度も眼を覚ましていると思うの。でも自分の寝室を暖めるのを忘れるのよ・・・だからそこは眠りを誘われる場所ではないの。どうしたらいいか、さっぱりわからないわ。

  1. 彼とワタシは、お義母さんを加えるためにワタシたちの習慣や生活をどの程度広げる必要があるかについて少し話し合ったの。彼はお義母さんにチーズフォンデュのことを話したわ。お義母さんは納得していないみたいだったの。(もちろん、お義母さんは本当にチーズが好きじゃないのよ・・・ピザは食べてもね!)ワタシはピザを食べた二人の楽しい思い出があるから寂しさを感じるわ。その体験をわかちあいたいとは思わない!それからワタシたちは行ってみたい近所のカレー屋について話したの。“母は気に入るだろう。カレーが好きだし”彼は言ったわ。“うーん、お義母さんは行かなくてもいいのよ。二人でカレーを食べに行きましょう。お義母さんはいつも一緒に行かなくてもいい!ワタシは声を上げて泣いたの・・・

  1. あの幽霊だか精霊だかわからないものがもう現れなくなったの。たぶんワタシたちが追い払ったのよ!

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