Wednesday, 3 June 2009

Free will and acceptance. (J)

No - this won't be a religious sermon! I'm not religious.

Just random thoughts here about how little we can influence people's lives and how we just have to accept what they do...

My step-mum is still on oxygen, morphine etc...Dad is still chirpy. He chats on the phone about the great deal he got on the replacement car and what he had for dinner, and what the dog is looking at.

I hate to think about him driving. He's had 3 accidents in the past step-mum has had two I think - they don't tell me about some of the accidents, so maybe more - so this whole driving thing is a big worry. So far they only damaged the cars. And now themselves.

"Jane doesn't want me to drive...I can't think why..." he prattled on last night.
"You are dangerous at driving now Dad, your judgement about width and speed isn't good. Both you and Jane are scary should stop..."
"And what should we do instead...?"

And to THAT of course there are a million answers.
They could hire taxies to take them into the nearest town for shopping, they could get supermarket deliveries. But the essence is that going out for a drive is 'something to do' in their day. They live in a beautiful house in the middle of the countryside, but apart from gardening and watching TV, reading a book - there's nothing to do. Particularly for Dad. If he lived in a town or village he could go for a walk and look at shops and Okaasan.

But they won't move. They won't stop driving. They won't....

And I have to just accept all of that. It stresses me to have these conversations with Dad. I just have to love and support his choices. What can children do to influence parents? Not a lot...

Okaasan is the same.
Last night she was out till about 8.15 pm again, wandering round Sapporo Station for some reason. We ate dinner. We started watching a DVD, finally we heard her coming home. Yujiro stopped the DVD and went downstairs to cook some tofu and veggies for her.
Why does she wander round the center of town and the station area? Why does she have all her underwear and night clothes strewn around the room? Why...

Just accept. And support with love. That's all you can do.

* On a lighter note: Okaasan has caught on in the last few days that I have a bad knee. So she keeps asking me if it's ok. I keep telling her that it'll be a few weeks yet...and she keeps asking me.
* I vacuumed a little in the kitchen the other night. Okaasan offered to help, so I encouraged her to vacuum her own room. Explained how to use the machine. "This is MY machine! I bought it in Shiki! I paid my money for this! Shall I keep it here in my room?" she's funny how sometimes moments of clarity come through in her memory. In fact she did buy the vacuum, but she never unpacked it out of the delivery box. She never used it. But she IS right: it is actually her machine.

違うの-これは宗教的なお説教じゃないのよ! ワタシは信心深くないもの。 
それでワタシはそのこと全部を受け入れなければならないんだわ。父とこの会話をするのはストレスよ。ワタシはただ父の選択を尊重し支えなければならないのね。子供たちが両親を変えるためには何ができるの? たくさんはないわね・・・ 


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